Nobody is Perfect

If you think you are perfect, I am sorry to put a rain cloud over your head but surprise! Nobody can be perfect in any aspect of their life. That is the point of life. Make mistakes then learn and grow from them. I am a communication major and many people tell me this major suits me very well. I am a total people person and communicate well. But I, too, have my faults. Within my closest relationships I feel I tend to be too blunt, force my opinions on others, and somewhat don't let them think for themselves. If I think a close friend of mine is doing something completely stupid, I will let them know. It is fine to let them know, but I won't really take the time to gather my thoughts and tell them in an effective way, I just blurt it out. This can definitely be harsh for some people. In my comm self and society class last semester we too had to identify a problem within our communication and this is exactly what I wrote about. I feel I improved just within the semester but I continue to try and improve it even more. What I find interesting is that I do not do this to strangers or people I don't know that well because I understand that we are not on that level and I need to respect them. I think one factor may be that I care a lot about the people closest to me so I am just looking out for their best interest, but I could probably do it in a more effective way. Also, I think I feel I can be that way with them because we are on that level of honesty, trust, and I almost feel that I can be that way with them. One technique my classmates helped me come up with was to pretend that who I am speaking to is a stranger so that I don't come off too blunt or forceful. We also did a listening exercise in my interpersonal class that helped me start asking more questions before coming to a conclusion myself. If someone comes to me for advice I use this technique to help them come to a conclusion on their own before telling them my opinion. I have already started making progress since last semester and I hope to continue to do so through the rest of my communication courses.    

Who is Ali

I think chapter 4 on identity and perception had so many great things to say. I agree with everything the book said about how communicating with others shapes us and our identity, perception of ourselves and others can be misconstrued, and how we all have different identities depending on where we are or who we are with. Communicating with others and society definitely shapes us because we are able to get feedback. If we do or say something others don't like, they communicate that to us and we most likely change. That is shaping and creating us as a person. Everybody uses impression management, whether they like it or not. We all have multiple selves. I have the student self, the daughter self, the friend self, the work self, the girlfriend self, the sister self. I am different in each of these groups. Some have some crossover where I am very similar in a couple different situations, but overall I am a different self within each setting. Here are just a few things I thought of that I think definitely shaped me throughout my life: female, daughter, sister, girlfriend, student, native Californian, San Diego native, youngest of four, straight, attended public schools all my life, lived in the same home for all 21 years of my life (until now), parents are not divorced, non-religious household, white appearing. I could probably come up with more, but these are just some things I came up with in class that definitely communicated something to me, shaped my ideas, values, and beliefs, and the way I act. That is my identity and who I am. One example of my identity that many in the bay area can relate to is the word "Hella." I am a San Diego native and we make fun of the word "hella" down there, so when I moved up here I vowed NOT to give in and use "hella" so I can keep my identity with San Diego. I want to hold on to that and not lose it. Another example is being the youngest of four. I have an older brother and two older sisters. Seeing them grow up I got a heads-up on life, if you will. I saw examples of things to do and not to do. I feel I was a little better prepared because they were models for me. Also, they would tease me and make fun of me for stuff and I took it to heart. What they said was important to me and I believed them, so I would do or not do certain things based on their feedback. I feel it matured me a little faster. Communication definitely shapes your identity. 

Nonverbal included

For the article analysis, I found an article that was about nonverbal in various stages of relationships. That is one topic in communication studies that really interests me, as well as gender communications, so I loved this article and wanted to share it. I feel that nonverbal is such a major part of communications, which is why I chose this article. In the research, they found that couples thought it more important, were more willing to improve their nonverbal communication, and had the same outlook on nonverbal communication the longer they were together, mostly married couples. I think nonverbal is such an important aspect that many need to realize it's relevance. It is a whole other aspect of communication that can reduce conflict, confusion, and misunderstanding in your relationships. Understanding the importance of nonverbal, having the same outlooks as your partner, and both being willing to improve it can help the relationship grow and develop. Scholars even say that nonverbal can be more important than what you are actually saying. Nonverbal is often more true to your feelings than what you are saying, if the two contradict each other. Facial expression, body language, tone, pitch, vocal rate, emphasis on certain words, all reveal the true message if interpreted correctly. Come on boys, does a girl really mean no when she says no, or it's ok when she says it's ok? Well, sometimes she does, I usually do, but that is why you have to pay attention to the nonverbal aspect as well. I promise you will have much better luck and be happier. Avoid unnecessary conflict, confusion, and misunderstanding.